09.12.11

UH OH. RELATIONSHIP STUFF.


we were friends first. actually all of my boyfriends have been that way now that i think about it.

i feel like it builds a better foundation. i mean, we weren’t friends for 27 years or anything like that. only about 6 months. we sat across from each other at work. and really were (despite what everyone thought) just friends. and i really got to know who he was without that annoying pressure of “is that fool gonna call me back?”

i guess i must have gotten a small feeling around month 6 that this might be headed somewhere. because I won a trip to cabo san lucas (random!) and invited him along. i guess I was fooling myself that we would go there and just stay friends.

the first night went a little like this: tequila. hotel kareoke. jumped in the pool with clothes on kind of first kiss. in the rain. i know, it sounds totally made up and sort of cheesy even. but it’s quite true. oh geez, we are sooo

and then we were boyfriend and girlfriend. which let’s just say, isn’t an the easiest transition. we went from splitting meals to…splitting meals. there was no courting. and we probably still called each other “dude.” and two months in i was way confused. we broke up. i wanted a boyfriend, not a friend.

we ended up back together very soon after. i guess sometimes short breaks really do bring people back together. but i will be honest, it took a while for me to feel like he was my lover and not just my friend. of course now, 3 years later, after we have moved in together and grown closer, I still think it was best we were friends first.

have you guys had similar experiences? do you find the transition can be tricky? it’s crazy how someone you could be friends with right now could turn out to be your perfect match.

50 COMMENTS

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    meesch says:

    Aw I love your photos! very cute – and I WISH your story would happen to me!

    -meesch

    Mari says:

    I’m never friends with guys, so when all of a sudden I was finding myself with a new bff and it was a guy, I knew something was special about him. Because of lots of boy issues in the past, it was SO nice to trust him, tell him things, study with him, trade ipods(this is what friends did back in the early 2000’s). It was easy to be with him. And then after about 6 months one drunken night, we found ourselves kissing on the couch, and waking up next to him with his arms around me felt absolutely perfect. I am SO grateful that’s how it happened, we were able to feel at ease with each other, and trust each other as people first. And now 7 years later, we’re still bffs and lovemates!

    Great photos of you two. And I love the word “lovemates!” Haha.

    Danette says:

    We were friends for 6 months and then ..BAM…together. We have now been married for almost 16 years. He was always truthful and true and gentle and hilarious and still is. The only difference is when we were friends he never once made a move on me and now, well, he can’t keeps his hands off! TMI?

    I like your tequila and kissing in the rain combo, sounds like a perfect start.

    oh i LOVE this! i think at the core of any relationship, it’s really important that you’re truly friends with the person. i wasn’t friends with my boyfriend before we met, but as we started dating and got to know each other i felt like he was the first guy i could be really close friends with (and totally silly with). now, over 4 years later, he is my best friend and we just have the greatest time together! in my mind, a friendship is what makes a relationship truly last.

    Sarah says:

    Yes! This is totally how things went down between my boyfriend and I. We went to college together and had mutual friends but never really hung out one on one. A few years went by and we found ourselves hanging out more and more just the two of us. We realized we had feelings for each other and then bam! We were lovemates.

    But I will also say that it can be tricky. How do you get past that “dude” stage? My lovemate and I have been together for 5 years and sometimes I still get tickled, wrestled with, and teased like we’re just friends and that bugs me. I wish he was more the romantic sweet type…but for guys is that really realistic 24/7? How did get past that part Bri? Or anyone else that has advice to share. πŸ™‚

    IRLANDA says:

    You guys are way beyond cute πŸ™‚

    Oh, goodness, aren’t you two just the cutest?! πŸ™‚

    I think being friends first is the best way to go! That’s how I got to know my husband way back when. I remember telling one of my friends that I appreciated Philip’s friendship bc he was kind, compassionate, patient, and I really had a lot of respect for him. After saying all of that out loud, I thought, “whoah, I think I like him.” Haha.

    Cassandra says:

    Those pictures are adorable! I met my now-bf at a bar. We kissed on our first “real date” the following weekend and it’s been an amazing relationship for the 2 1/2 years since. We had so much in common that we were instantly friends but there was that extra spark that made the relationship start and grow since the get-go.

    melissa says:

    Oh yes friends first! After a year of friendship and close circle of friends formed, we took the plunge and had our first kiss. We were so freaked out that we might possibly ruin our close circle, that we waited several months before letting it get ‘serious’. We also broke up (for 5 weeks) and after the dust settled, we were able to see clearly and have been all lovey ever since. Three weeks ago we celebrated 5 years together! Yesterday we went kayaking all morning and had a romantic lunch by the beach but still laughed hysterically when we both peed in the bushes. Friends first fosho!

    Stephanie Marie says:

    Thanks for sharing! Love your story πŸ™‚ We met one afternoon and then were whisked away to our own lives in separate states… but we knew we wanted to be together. We were forced, the first month of our relationship, to get to know each other exclusively through phone calls and skype sessions, which built a huge, non-physical foundation. I can truly call him my best friend and know everything about him and while the distance was so hard, it was better for us– and now we’re getting married!

    Martina says:

    actually the life writes the cheesiest stories!!!

    i met my now husband in croatia, when we were on vacant ion. he was living in France and i in germany. we never ever thought this would lead anywhere, much less to a marriage…

    first we were friends, sending mails from time to time, then went over to phone messages and soon to phone calls… i remember one month he had a 500 € bill to pay because he used to call me in the middle of the night just to chit chat.

    One weekend in March, i went to paris to visit a friend of mine, one that he used to know as well, so he came too. let say so, i never ever made to my friend, i stayed the whole weekend with him in montmartre. till this day i don’t know how i could ignore my feelings and think we would continue being friends.

    We were in a metro station, and all of a sudden he kissed me and i forgot even my own name, i ve never felt like this before and knew something was going on.Till this day neither of us can remember where the first kiss happened..

    two days afterwards i had to leave back to germany and he needed to go home, so i asked what will be now. he told me he will come visit me as soon as possible and he came 2 months later.

    This is how it all started 5 years ago. we used to see each other every 2 months either in germany or in france and kept going for more than 2 years like that when i finally decided too leave everything behind and come to france to be with him.

    in 2008 he proposed to me in rome, but that’s an another story :)))) and in summer 2010 we married; he is still my best friend and the love of my life. and even though i miss my old life i would never treasure it for the happiness and joy he gives me everyday in this foreign country!

    this was my story, thanx for sharing yours

    My BF and I were friends for two years before we started going out. Which also coincided with me leaving for another country in 7 months. We had been flirting for about 6 months (and driving our other friends mad) so it felt really natural. I then moved to England and 6 months later (after he had finished studying) he came over on holiday and never left. We have been together 7 years in October and there is nothing better than knowing that I get to wake up next to my best friend everyday (just thought I would help with some extra cheese)

    oh bri! you’re too cute!
    BF and i went to high school together! but we weren’t dating then…just acquaintances..sort of the same circle of friends. Wasn’t until about ten years later, we got in touch again and started dating. Ahaha…he’s secretly a romantic sap and was following my blog…and you’re right, funny how life works.

    Dana Grace says:

    my love story: he saw me and knew he had to have me. and he took me out on a lovely date. and we danced at sunset. he took me completely by surprise and we’ve enjoyed six months so far. =) the army has him now, but we write each other every day.

    nicole says:

    oh Bri your photos are so perfect & as sweet as pie! my man and i knew each other for years before ever seeing our relationship in a different light. he was good frineds with my not-so-right for me boyfriend at the time and i’d always find myself drawn to him. i guess i had a wee little crush early on in our friendship period.

    a year after my boyfriend and i broke up i got the nerve to call him up, and after a nearly 3 hour phone conversation (like a scene from the movie Elizabethtown), i asked him to go with me & my friends out to a haunted house. that night we had our first kiss and he stayed over and i guess he never left πŸ™‚ he’d call every night to ask if he could come over, always arriving with a little present for me in hand, which ya know always helps. one night he rang my door bell and i spied him through my peep hole with a mattress on his back
    (i was doing the couch bed thing right after college at the time) and he uttered somthing like ” i cannot share this dreadful couch with you one more night”, and that was it.
    12 years later we could not be more in love. friendship first is where it’s at if you ask me. but do be careful to keep up the romance in order to avoid slipping into that friends/roomates thingy vs. a romantic couple for sure. so happy for the two of you! oxo

    sara alana says:

    I met my now fiance, 6 years ago. We had both recently got out of long(ish) term relationships and weren’t really looking for anything. But, as we got to know each other, it was clear how much we both had butterflies. We were also in our early 20’s so we also weren’t thinking much about the future. Our romantic relationship grew parallel with our friendship.

    So, we weren’t friends first, but I think what I’m saying is friendship can and should exist within a romantic relationship (because a friend and a boyfriend are not the same thing). I think it is part of why we work so well together.

    jen says:

    every boyfriend i’ve ever had ive been friends with first EXCEPT my now husband! Funny how that happened, but now we have a gorgeous little boy and I’m pretty happy he still opens my doors πŸ™‚

    Andrea says:

    You know what’s so funny about this post, my “boyfriends” previous to my boyfriend now have all been friends first. For the first time even I allowed myself to pretty much be set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. Despite meeting him randomly a couple times at some parties we didn’t know each other at all and clicked immediately. We have been living together for pretty much a year now and it has been the best time of my life. I truly believe I’ve found my soul mate (yes incredibly sappy) BUT my point is that it’s funny how you bring this whole friends first idea and it’s something I’ve acknowledged from the beginning with us. Anyway I’m done rambling now, cute post Bri!

    Kaitlyn says:

    I was friends with my boy first. I met him through a mutual friend and wanted to get to know him before I made any kind of move, so I went out of my way to invite him to gatherings and along with friends on special friend outings. It made it so much easier to just be friends first! It took a lot of pressure off.

    Logan says:

    Oh yeah. BFF’s for roughly 8 years or so? One day I was just like, “huh, you are pretty cute.” It was actually at his mom’s funeral – oops. That was nearly two years ago and we’re happy as ever, living together and planning our lives. BFF’s fo life!

    steph anne says:

    My husband and I were high school sweethearts so we were friends for about 6 months too before we started dating. The thing is he confessed that he liked me when we first met but I didn’t want to date him and just wanted to be friends. He didn’t give up! πŸ™‚

    bri says:

    i love hearing all your love stories!
    it’s cool to see a lot of you guys started out just like we did.
    bri

    Brittany says:

    You said you two worked together, does that mean he’s a graphic designer too? I’ve always thought it would be fun to date someone artistic and creative, but alas, the last few guys I have dated have been accountants and financial advisers. But I guess that’s ok; they balance out my crazy.

    Hannah says:

    the first time i saw anthony i fell madly in love. when i found out he had a girlfriend, i died a little inside (ok, a lot) but knew he was too special not to have in my life. we quickly became best friends. i dated other guys, but anthony was always my number one, even though he was just a friend. as our friendship progressed he became a brother-type to me… the thought of being romantic with him grossed me out! eww. of course, it was at this time that anthony started to see me as the girlfriend-type. i wasn’t having that though. eventually i saw the light. all it took was the threat of another girl coming into the picture to make me realize that i couldn’t live without him.

    that was almost ten years ago! and we’ll celebrate our first wedding anniversary this november!

    yay for bff’s that fall in love πŸ™‚

    jackie says:

    this is super cute!!! love the story- what a great one it is πŸ™‚ i hope i have something similar- close guy friend turned best friend turned boyfriend! you do get to know them the best, flaws and all cause theres nothing to be ashamed of as friends, but discovering someone as a lover you only seem to want to show the good- not the bad!! wonderful! so happy for you two!!

    Sealicious says:

    With a first kiss THAT good, you were destined to be more than friends πŸ˜‰

    I came from a very small town, so I usually knew my boyfriends before we dated anyway. It’s hard for me to remember a transition period, but I think being friends first is important – it’s a great way to get to know someone

    gia says:

    Love it! I know I want to stop dating, and would prefer to be friends without the pressure. Dating is almost just trouble, because the guy is just thinking about you-know-what. Whereas if you are just aquaintances/friends you get to know eachother as real people. I have had a good friend hurt me, but I should have seen the signs that he wasn’t really into something serious. I think dating is definetely not good. I’m done with it. πŸ™‚

    Taylor Rae says:

    I absolutely love this post. Very similar to my love story with my wonderful boyfriend. Best friends for a year and one day just blurted out “I looove you”, and I could tell I didn’t mean it in just a friendly matter. After some ups and downs we finally because official about 6 months later. We both graduated and moved to San Francisco together, found great jobs and took the big step… moved in together. I could not be happier. Love is one of the greatest feelings in the world and being in love with your best friend… doesn’t get much better than that.

    My (new) hubby and I were friends (sort of) for 7 years before deciding to stop being stupid and give it a real shot (we met in college, hence the young and stupid). Then we dated for 5 1/2 yrs and just got married in June. I love that we are best friends and can finish each others thoughts!!! xo

    Shannon says:

    Love the photos, so sweet!

    My husband went from a guy in my 9th grade Spanish class, to my friend in the 10th grade, to my boyfriend in 11th to my boyfriend who I followed to college and finally my Husband. It’s weird how long we’ve been together (almost 12 years), but I wouldn’t change it for anything!

    Dani says:

    I love your photos, and I love reading about your life! πŸ™‚ I think friends first is always best! My current “boy person,” as I like to call him haha, and I have known each other, well, our entire lives… probably since grade school. After 10 years of true close friendship, we finally took the plunge! πŸ˜‰ Crazy!

    Jenn says:

    My husband and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary tomorrow, wowzers! We met in art school 17 years ago…were friends throughout the two years, both dating other people. We would share stories at school, kinda complaining to each other about who we were with…and I think secretly knowing that we were meant to be together. Ed, my husband, actually told a mutual friend at the time that I would someday be his wife. πŸ™‚ But it wasn’t until after we graduated, and we had each broken up with the people were were dating, that we started to hang out…eventually becoming a couple and getting married! Now we have two amazing boys, are both graphic designers and are lovin life. πŸ™‚
    PS – Love your blog! Thanks for sharing.

    Mallory says:

    My husband and I were friends first, working together, eating lunch with all of the other interns. He was even started dating a friend of mine the summer before we started dating. They broke up, and a few weeks later he’s watching a movie with me, as usual, and next thing I know he’s holding my hand (in front of my room mates who suspected this all along). We have to be careful to be more than best friends, but my favorite part about being friends first is I never felt the need to “impress” him. I was my nerdy, goofy, pun-loving self from the start!

    Chelsea says:

    Thanks for sharing, Bri! Love the photos and your lovely story! I find being friends first is an awesome way–even if it can take a little bit of adjustment. I have found that it can be a little weird when you’ve been a guy’s confidant and are fully aware of what his issues were with previous girlfriends, etc. That can get in your head a little. I recently became “something more” with a housemate who I found attractive but didn’t think of that way at ALL (because he was 3.5 years younger, possibly a teensy bit shorter) until suddenly I did…and he had seen me braless wearing a giant tee shirt, sans makeup, and was still attracted to me. Score! Unfortunately, 6 weeks after the first kiss, I moved away to Australia. Sigh. Timing never was my friend.

    sheryl says:

    this is such a beautiful post πŸ™‚ thanks for sharing it

    My FiancΓ© and I went to primary school together! We lost touch through high school and found each other again just three years ago through (prepare yourself for the pukey bit) ! Caught up for a coffee and the rest is history πŸ™‚ We are getting married in April and we are using our year 4 class photo as our save the date cards… we were standing next to each other. Haha!

    Lau says:

    Love the story the pics!
    My boyfriend was my bff.. for more than 10 years and the first kiss was soooo awkward.. like kissing with tongue a brother ..but just the first one! the second was the best and the third and the next and the next! LoL

    lauren says:

    my husband and i were friends from high school. ran in the same group of friends but never dated. we went to different universities and then both ended up in dallas for our jobs and BAM! it was a strange transition but felt so right. friends who get married is the best.

    Katelyn says:

    Oh, Bri. Not a blog read goes by without me thinking we would totally be friends. I love your story, and I moved in with my friend-first boyfriend around the same time as you. I’m waiting for your engagement post because then mine will probably come a day later or something. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing where you guys go in the future!

    mary says:

    i wonder if guys & girls are ever capable to “just be friends,” especially close friends.

    Cate says:

    Sadly, I have no gushy friends-first love story (well, no love story at all at this point). But I am loving these “personal” posts. First the weight one, now this. So sweet and true. And they obviously really resonate with people, seeing the massive amounts of comments. Thanks for sharing.

    Christina says:

    I’ve had three relationships. The first two I was friends with the guy for YEARS before anything happened. With the first guy I had a crush on him the whole time we were friends. He was just a freaking pansy and took years to get around to asking me out. The second guy was my best friend, and we decided to get an apartment together. Biggest mistake of my life. We predictably became friends with benefits which went on for a something like a year before he ended up breaking my heart by abruptly starting to date a mutual friend of ours. And now he and I can barely be in the same room as each other without my skin crawling. Sad story.

    With my current boyfriend of 2 years whom I am 95% I’m going to marry, we were basically strangers when we started dating. We had worked at the same place for a year but hadn’t interacted at all. Then one day he was walking across the room and I noticed his cute butt. The rest is history!

    So in my experience, the guys I was friends with first were a total bust. But I can definitely see the value in dating someone you already know and trust. Fun topic!

    sally says:

    Upon thinking about it, I think the most amazing part about slow friends-first relationships is trust. The fact that I trusted my boyfriend more than anyone made me able to fall all the harder.

    Megan says:

    I can totally relate! My boyfriend and I were friends first for a couple months, started dating, then broke up (like you two) and then got back together soon after and have been together ever since (since 2003)! It is crazy how a little break can be just the thing you need to be better together.

    Your photos are so cute, by the way.

    Oh you guys are the cutest! I love hearing about how couples get together, I think it’s one of my favourite things, it always makes me happy to know everyone has a happily ever after!

    Jessica says:

    Eek — I’ve so enjoyed this post and all the comments. I’m *finally* with my bf, who I’ve known nearly my whole life. I was best buddies with his older bro when we were babies, and he’s been my little bro’s bff for most of their lives (yes, he’s 2.5 yrs younger than me). After liking him for 3-4 years and getting closer and closer as friends (helping him with girl problems, big ol’ life questions, etc.), eventually he was single and our connection (which has really been there all along, as first pointed out by friends 4 years ago) could not be ignored. At this point we knew each other so well, and as others have stated with their experiences, he had already seen me at my worst, physically, and at my most goofy, unabashedly “me” moments. We got to know each other as friends for years without reservation, so we both knew what we were getting into. I finally declared him my best guy friend, and factor in a year or two of serious flirting, at last the timing was right and he got the courage to make a move. Slowly he began the transition of visiting my family to see me, not my brother. πŸ˜‰ Now, we’ve been dating for 9 months and my family loves him more than ever. It’s so wonderful to be able to be completely comfortable with someone and then add in all the fun lovey dovey stuff to the already strong foundation. It is a bit of an odd transition, but it gets better and better every day and I would never want it another way. I definitely think we have an awesome future ahead of us. Friends first, yo. ☺

    Nic says:

    We were only friends for a month but it was obvious we were courting each other. But I am commenting in total support that a break up does bring people closer together because you realize what the person means to you and you value that person once their back in their life. It’s the best thing that happened to us!

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